Rejoicing in Drive While Finding Ease and Acceptance: Dave

Rejoicing in Drive While Finding Ease and Acceptance: Dave

We asked our Land Manager, Dave, some questions about his life and his experience at Vajrapani Institute. This is what he had to say about the qualities that lead him to rejoice and the lessons he has learned here.

What is it you most celebrate about yourself?

It’s hard to pick just one thing to celebrate, my easy going good looks, sense of humor, intelligence, abundant modesty…but I’ll go with “Drive.” It’s the drive to search, to seek, to not settle at the ripe old age of 54. Most of my peers and classmates have long ago settled down; to careers, kids, a nice house. I can’t speak for them, but for me it did not feel right. In my early 20s, I couldn’t see the point of it all, working 40 or 50 years so I can play golf for a few years before my inevitable death.

It is this drive that lead me from a Catholic home in a small Mid-western town to Vajrapani Institute. Without drive, I would not have gone back to college at age 27, I would not have moved to Utah or Japan, and I would not have found Buddhism.

Drive is not always a fun; it can be exhausting, it can be lonely. There is restlessness. The drive is rooted in a search to find meaning, to end anxiety, and suffering.

I think my drive has inspired others, or at least nudged them to question their assumptions about how a life should be lead. I hope that is the case.

What’s the most precious thing Vajrapani Institute has given to you?

Vajrapani Institute has given me much in the year and a half I have been here, a beautiful place to live and work, kind co-workers, great Dharma teachers, great food, a 5-minute commute through the redwood trees. But here is my current favorite gift – Acceptance.

In a recent email, my sister-in-law wrote, “How are things with you? I guess it must be a really peaceful life.” And I just laughed… sure there is truth to that, but working here has often felt very busy and overwhelming. There is much to do and much to keep track of, I just don’t feel “on top of things” as I have with my previous jobs as an engineer.

Doing some reading after a particularly overwhelming couple of days, I came across the following “Not because you are so bright and light and have purged out all the darkness does God accept you, but as you are. Not by doing something, not by your works, but gratis you have been saved.” And it hit me that I’ve been measuring my acceptability/worthiness by what I was accomplishing. That is a battle you cannot win. As soon as one thing is done and a brief sense of accomplishment comes and goes, the next 12 tasks are waiting.

I’ve known this intellectually, that we are inherently OK (have Buddha Nature), but I finally felt it in my bones. I think you have to feel it in your bones if it is going to be meaningful. Since then, it feels like I’m easier on myself, and easier on others, less judgmental, less tight. I can’t point to any one thing, one retreat or teacher that helped me to this point. It’s the crucible (too strong a word?) of living and working here; the work, both internal and external, that can be transformative.

Our students, volunteers, staff, and visitors gain precious knowledge and invaluable experiences here thanks to the support of all of our donors. This year you can have your donation matched until December 31st. Help us rejoice and bring out the best in everyone!